The Journey So Far...

As a child, my life, like most other children’s lives, was dictated by my parents. Where I would go to school, whose house I would go to play (my parents had a loose screening process), and so on. Under normal circumstances, such micromanagement was met with minimal resistance, at most. My parents were (are still) fair individuals, and life was generally good.


This was all well and good, until the end of my time in Jr. High. Suddenly, my life and how I wanted to live it, was drastically, and quite obviously, out of my hands. Uprooted to a mysterious country, I spent four years trying to start over. My big break came on the fifth year. I would be thousands of miles away from my parents and able to make my own decisions.


And here, my journey began. Now, after another four years, I’ve come to realize that my decisions have never been mine to make. In stunning retrospect, I have finally begun to see God’s “big” plan and his guidance over my life. The places I could’ve ended up, the other people I could’ve met, all in due time, but I know for sure, that Freshmen year I thought I was making my own decisions, God was moving me in His direction all along.

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ololol personality test

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don’t judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren’t necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people’s eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren’t interested in wasting time with people you don’t really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You’re a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you’ll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don’t succeed. Don’t give up when you haven’t yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don’t ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

“Source”

I only disagree with the last one… well, at least that’s not how I think of myself.

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Another rotation complete

If it takes 365 days to rotate around the sun, that the celebration of one’s first birthday is the same as a celebration of their first rotation around the sun.

For some reason I kept thinking age was marking the xth rotation (as in the first rotation and so on).

Therefore, I am now beginning my twenty-third rotation.. which now sounds alot worse than being twenty-two. Hm.

Anyway, I thought I’d be all hip and talk about the last year. It was a good year.

  • I’ve been in Houston for more than a year now.
  • I also have a car.
  • I had my first full time job.
  • An awesome g/f.

I’ve also been able to appreciate the here and now alot more this last year. It’s very relaxing.

Annnd

  • ACL! Foo Fighters! Flyleaf! Buttons!

What else did I miss?

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Dear D,

There goes most of the argument from winter break (persistence, that is).
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"Christian Metal"

Took this of a private site I go to:

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What follows is more of a personal essay rather than a definitive guide to Christian metal. I have to apologize for the few of you who are disappointed that this is not a chronological history. This article is a personal experience with a style of music and the exploration of associated themes. I have also tried my best to be objective throughout this article and have provided links to albums based on musical qualities rather than lyrical content. I have also tried my best to include artists whose affiliation with the Christian music scene is not heavily contested. The photography is mine and was taken among flailing limbs. Thanks to the Waffles Music Chat forum members for their recommendations on albums.

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“We are all here for one reason,” exclaimed the singer on stage, already dripping with sweat.
“We’ve gathered in the name of Jesus Christ.”
“This is our church”
“This is our worship”

What followed was a mixture of cheers drowned out by a flood of growls and distortion. The metal signs went up from the crowd and the dancers began fighting imaginary demons with arms flailing and mule kicks. There were young kids in gym shorts and deathcore t-shirts with a symmetrical scrawl across their chest. There were other patrons sitting by the bar smoking with a look of begrudging irony on their face. No one was drinking. It was 3 in the afternoon. The shaded areas of the small strip mall outside were filled band members and patrons covered in ink sleeves and jewelry. I came this day to acquire a “repentagram” t-shirt; which was a modification on the satanic icon. If I could get that shirt, I would be a happy person. I had not been to church in more than five years before this day.

I remember entering into the world of music in the arms of the religious. I was 10 at my first concert when my church took a trip to Creation Festival. I was standing on a piece of lawn furniture, some hundred yards away from the stage, eagerly awaiting DC Talk to take the stage. While he never forced me to listen to strictly religious music, I can remember my father being extremely content in my pre-adolescent devotion to Christian rap. I found some sort of defiance and subversion in morality spun in a secular package. I used to imagine the cultural shock older people would endure if exposed to Christian rap. I used to admire those who were conduits for the secular and religious worlds. My daydreams during Sunday services involved DC talk breaking down the wooden doors and preaching the sermon amidst fast beat boxing.

When I aged, I soon grew out of my strange adolescent daydreams and fell into the arms of secular music. My father, who is a Methodist minister, allowed me to purchase whatever records I wanted. My first “non-religious” record was Siamese Dream and it remained in the back of my closet for two years. I feared my father would take it away from me once he read the cryptic text and decided that “Silverfuck” was unhealthy. For a couple of years, it was a battle between what I wanted to listen to and what was accepted as “decent.” The years went by and we would constantly argue over the merits of the music I owned against the shifting canon of acceptable music. As the years grew, the line between acceptable and unacceptable became increasingly blurry.

I stopped going to church a few years before college. Once I went to college, however, I stopped trying to convince my father I was in a long process of transition. I felt the same way talking to my father about church as I did with religious music; while never forcing me to attend, the question was always pronounced during our conversations. I knew I shouldn’t go just to please him. I know it would have made him feel better and the silence between us shorter. It was well after my absence from the church that I become interested in Christian metal. This interest was spurred as an extension to my already-established interest for metal as well as a sense of irony. Initially, my interest rested on the comedic value of the Christian alternative to the music I already enjoyed. Over time my fascination grew when I started to find outcroppings of Christianity in almost every “dark” subculture in contemporary music.

To begin, Christianity entering in the arena of metal music should not be that much of a moral disruption. There is no religious affiliation associated with metal and nowhere exists a doctrine, in the Christian church, discussing the morality of music. However, I have come to believe that metal music, while not officially associated with any religion, has become to be considered “evil.” This can be traced to numerous factors including the criticism of metal (and rock and roll) by the fundamental leaders and the adoption of anti conventional imagery by metal bands. Whether intended or not, metal has become to be associated with themes of darkness, rebellion and unsavory behavior. This steady construction has created a silent dichotomy with the Christian church. This is why the genre of Christian metal is so intriguing - multiple questions arise on the intention and distribution of the music. Why does this music exist? To what larger purpose is Christian metal aimed towards? Is this counterproductive, or a new facet in spirituality? While still a minority on the metal scene, the Christian metal scene has existed since the early 80’s. It is hard for me to resist calling the entire movement a revival. Every sign points to a renewed sense of spirituality in legions of nonbelievers; in places where one would not except to find God.

Revivalism is not a new or novel concept in the area of Christianity. Since the European Reformation, revivals or “awakenings” have existed after a decline in spiritual interest. Multiple waves of revivals have existed since the early 1700’s. John Weasly left the confines of the church to sing hymns to the rhythm of popular songs. One of the last mass revivals came in the late 60’s during the decline of the American Psychedelic era. A majority of followers in the “Jesus Movement” were new believers in the youth counterculture. Because these new believers already had an interest in secular music, more spiritual lyrics were infused on top of existing sounds. One of the most interesting developments, at least for this article, was the birth of the contemporary Christian music scene.

The Contemporary Christian Music (CCM) scene developed an interest in both contemporary music and spirituality. The early roots of the CCM were born out of Rock and Roll and changed with developments seen in the secular world. The early pioneers, Jerusalem, Petra and the Resurrection Band carried the “a harder rock” sound into the beginning of 1980’s. The early 80’s saw secular metal split into mainstream and underground factions. Stryper, while being the most recognizable name in Christian metal was contemporaries with other “proto Christian metal acts.” (Trouble, Leviticus and Saint.)

Christian metal, whether intended or not, began mirroring popular developments in secular music. Christian metal gained notoriety during the early 80’s when the secular label Metal Blade coined the term “white metal” to describe bands that were in contrast to the “black metal” bands. In 1984, California saw the birth of Sanctuary International, a community devoted to outcast Christians with interest in metal. Sanctuary International is also responsible for the formation of Christian thrash acts Deliverance, Vengeance (US) and Tourniquet. During the late 80’s and early 90’s, Christian metal faded into obscurity. It was not until the early 2000’s when the interest for metal and spirituality gained attention when the popularity of metalcore hit its apex. Metalcore, as a style, easily fused with a legion of devote musicians who began a second wave of Christian metal. Interest in metalcore has lead popular crossover acts such as Norma Jean, The Devil Wears Prada, As I Lay Dying and Underoath.

“Everything we do…is in the name of our savior” another more heavyset singer exclaimed. I was watching “War Of Ages” after dinner. It was around sunset. The entire theme for War of Ages seemed to be hinged on the inevitable fight with evil during the end of days. This biblical base allowed the violence and aggression to flow out in lyrics and sounds with little visible hypocrisy. It was clean melodic death metal much like legions of bands I have heard before. During the eight hours I watched Christian metal, I started to notice the imitation aspect of these bands. Christian metal exists to replicate whatever sound the band members choose to play. This is not unlike any other secular band. However, while doom, death, power and black metal have carved and constructed a sound for their particular music, Christian metal is a spiritual alternative steered towards a positive message. I began to think why this style exists to replicate various styles of music. When investigating Christian metal, listeners are always urged to think about intent. Why does this music exist? Is its existence innocuous or slightly devious?

Evangelism is the idea in which the faithful try and “convert” non believers. Evangelism, while a simple act in Christianity, is highly controversial among the secular world due to the degree of force used by some. Christian metal has been criticized by some as an elaborate rues to convert listeners into Christianity. Perhaps Christian metal could be seen as a natural evolution of Weasley’s attempt to replicate popular tunes to hold spiritual messages. In the blinding Virginia sun, I talked to various band members in the parking lot about my questions on evangelism. All of them were willing to discuss these questions despite the blistering heat. Some of them saw their music as ministry and “heavy music” was a way to reach non-believers. Others found their form of music as a refuge for kids outcast from the church because of their interest in dark music. I assumed that the majority of band members had a vested interest in reaching people with their music. However, I cannot speak of the level of commitment every band member has to their religion. There are bands where the veil of spirituality is stretched so thin, one has to suspend a massive amount of disbelief in order to listen to an album. It is hard not only to deny the “evangelism” of Christian metal as it is to say, that every member is an evangelist. There are some who openly preach on salvation. And there are others less concerned with ideology and more with finding a steady fan base. I wish I could speak of a defined reason for Christian metal existing, but I cannot.

Since its inception, Christian Metal (and to some extent, the larger CCM scene) has been controversial among fundamentalists due to it closeness with the secular world. Some people see a danger in their spirituality being cloaked in music which is associated with darkness. It is unknown whether or not the criticisms against Christian metal are focused at the use of spirituality in heavy music or fueled by distaste for heavy music. Christian Metal has also been controversial among the secular metal community due to its supposed subterfuge with evangelism. Even within the CCM, many Christian Metal bands are not included as being apart of the now conglomerate industry.

Christian metal, as of today, exists as a genre which is caught between the two foundations that it is tries to bridge. Whether it is despised by fundamentalists or laughed at by the metal community, it exists as an outcast of music. This thesis of marginal acceptance and perseverance despite support could be the death of this music; or the beginning of something no one expected. A few days after the concert, I became depressed with the notion of failing at my objective. I had not found a clear-cut reason for the existence of this musical movement. My inquiry into this type of music has only yielded more unanswered questions. It was only after a few drafts of this article that I realized Christian metal’s existence is not unlike the majority of musical styles. The larger part of music history exists without written manifesto or agreed theory. Even equivocal styles like Christian metal can still exist despite much confusion, praise and criticism. Perhaps this is the beginning of an awakening which will only be realized in later generations. Perhaps my “Repentagram t-shirt” will be apart of something more important; something I cannot understand right now.

I can remember going home for a couple of days after a Christian metal festival. During that time, my father and I talked about this essay I was writing for a file sharing site. After the comedic discussion on the ethics of file sharing, I played Horde; an Unblack metal artist. After a brief history of black metal, my father tried his best to get through the shrieks and cries but ultimately was left with a face of complete horror. My mother left the room. We got into a debate on whether or not sound and tone is objective. He said there are tones and melodies which illicit feelings of harmony, happiness and despair, thus the combination of shrieks and cries could not logically fit with a positive message. I was arguing that the changing face of musical acceptance has obliterated the representation of tone and emotion. No one won the argument. Maybe this was one of the last times I tried to get my parents to respect my musical choices. If they didn’t like the music, then they would at least have to accept it based on the fact that under the tar of sludgy dirges was the story of Christ’s birth. I did not know what I expected. Maybe my father would become a black metal fanatic. I couldn’t help but smile when he kept using the term “the death metal.” He told me a story about the Asbury Revival in 1970 and the sight of a thousand drug addled hippies attending church. It was strange and extremely interesting. While we came no where near a consensus on the subject of aesthetics and music, I believe that on that day we came closer to agreement than we ever had in 18 years. I remember seeing him pleased with our conversation; something I had not seen for a long time.

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The Future

It’s coming. Well, it’s kinda already here. There may not be a “send to screen in living room” option, yet, but with the proper software, it wouldn’t be that difficult. Other requirements would be high-speed internet to quickly buffer to continue “seamlessly” whatever you were transmitting, etc.

Perhaps they’ll use a thin client instead. Hell, if someone were to develop on that technology in 2009, I could easily see a centralized computer for home entertainment in the entire house a pretty viable option. Use the bluetooth (2nd link) option for phones and well, you’re doing pretty well to being on par with the first link. Spiffy.

Slightly more thought… all one really needs is the right server hub and client software to send things to and from each other… which we pretty much already have. Sometimes I wonder why we don’t do it. Why don’t I start something?

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So I have favicons disabled on my browser (I can’t stand the disunity of some sites not having icons and some icons being really horrible. (Mostly the former)) and only recently discovered that tumblr used your avatary thing as a favicon. Neat.
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@DS (You should get twitter!)

I gave it some thought (very little) and decided that it was summed up how I felt about the situation pretty well. It was also a sad-funny article, too.


Feel better (not about the situation, but your illness).

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THE Home Office has quietly adopted a new plan to allow police across Britain routinely to hack into people’s personal computers without a warrant.
Police set to step up hacking of home PCs (The Sunday Times / TimesOnline)
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Singapore media just does not mesh with me. Wow.
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